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Is it really a matter of confidence?



Every aspect of my social media is full of others who are sharing their stories. I love reading them. Different experiences, all of it an opportunity to learn things from another’s perspective.


One particular post has struck a chord with me and of course it mentions Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). This individual was concerned that publishing something, despite it being her own story, would highlight her not only as an individual with ADHD, but also deem her unprofessional and potentially, as an imposter. She’s been very open and honest about her feelings and concerns and I truly admire that. In the end she went ahead and the result was a very successful publication, regardless of what her RSD told her.


While RSD hasn’t impacted on me much lately, there is one area that it still imposes on. I have blogs written and unpublished, I have written my first newsletter and it‘s still in the drafts. I have facebook posts sitting ready to go and each time I go to set them up I can hear that RSD voice stating that others are going to read them and say “who does she think she is?” or words to that effect.


That fear of being rejected sits heavy every time I look at them.


I’ve had to remind myself that my story, my experiences and the suggestions I make to help others, may seem invalid to another but they are certainly valid to me. And there are many different stories out there that are also valid. Mine is just one of many..


Lately, no matter how much I believe in what I have written, no matter how high my hopes are that they may help just one person, RSD kicks in and I end up leaving things as drafts.


I have confidence in myself as a coach, I know what I do in the room with clients is beneficial, so why am I struggling to hit that button?


Fear of criticism from others? Yes. Fear of ridicule? Most definitely. Fear of no one ever approaching me again as a coach? thats a yes too. Fear of someone saying I don’t really have a clue? That too!


Then yesterday I had a conversation and I was reminded that I just need to be me.


My authentic self. The person who, for the most part, has dropped the mask.


I know from years of working within the community that you need to be thick-skinned. You will receive awards and accreditations and the more you succeed, the more open you are to criticism, from those who don’t like or believe in you and what you are doing, for whatever reason.


So as my coaching practice builds and I put my name out there, the more possibilities there are of encountering said criticism. And from that the RSD kicks in. The difference being that this time, what I share isn‘t representing an organisation, it’s representing me as an individual, alone.


Do you want to hear something else?


My RSD imagines that other professionals will be a part of it and it could happen, there is that possibility. But what I was also reminded of was that there are also those who know me and respect me as a person and professional. They know how hard I have worked to get to this point. And their numbers outweigh the few.


I was reminded that those I imagine may partake in what my RSD is telling me may not or don’t have the experience that I have; they have no idea what goes on in my sessions, they have no idea of how hard I work to benefit my clients. They also have no idea of the knowledge I hold in my head.


They see only what they want to see and from that they then have their own perception of me, which really depends on who they are, their views of the world and what is going on in their lives. All things that I have no control over.


I’m sharing this because I want people to see that we all have wobbles, RSD still happens even with the work that you do to overcome it. It can still cripple certain aspects of life.


What I learnt yesterday was that if I don’t press the publish buttons, no one else is going to. This is my story and I choose how and when I share it. If others don’t agree or like it, that is their choice. It doesn't make it right or wrong it is simply a choice.


I share this for me and hope that maybe someone else will read it and take something from it, maybe they wont. And all of that is OK.

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